The Game's Afoot!

Yes, indeed. there's a chill in the air in the south bay, a time when a young man's fancy turns to blighting his fellow man in a sotty rage on ice. Against this horrid tide of violence and ne'erdowell rise up a proper hockey society founded upon the guiding principles of Professor Graham.

These hardy, strapping lads have taken a solemn pledge to forego the brutish nature for clean, wholesome living. Every day is devoted to healthful, natural living free of vice and corruption. It's early morning practice, followed by a full colonic cleansing, a healthful breakfast of dry wheat, practice, lunch of mixed fruits and potted cheeses, practice, poetry recitation, and rollicking nightly enjoyment of the knitting arts.

Practice entails grabbing their sticks and pucking each other hard and fast. Although the savage ice shortage of Aught-Four has greatly limited the teams experience on anything more frozen than green grass, the Coach (Mr. Winston A. Piffernell) has attempted to replicate the feel of ice by requesting the players make "Ksshing" noises while pucking each other.

Sadly, equipment problems also plague the current team, forcing the players to practice using field hockey sticks on loan from Blessed Mother of the Microchips High School Junior Varsity League. The players have vowed that they will do the best they can with girl's equipment, even if it means having sticks of less than average size. The coach has recognized this and instilled the team to better morale by providing extra free colonic cleansings. The team, in a unified show of good sportsmanship, have turned down this generous offering.

A Victorious First Go!

18th of October in the year of 2004

It was truly a most exuberant time at the Chum-Dome for Hockey fans, to-night as the hometown sports took on the visiting Welsh Dragons, although the night was filled with peril for the local lads at the start of the night's event.

Coach Piffernell, quite certain that the visiting team would be exhausted from their travels via the aeroplane, had sent a serving lad to the Dragons hotel the night before. The lad bore gifts of several local fruits, bran crackers, some delicious cheeses and a full set of espresso colonic cleansing kits.

A lesser man than Piffernell would be outraged at the return of the gifts, but instead he expressed concern both for the delinquent service boy and the request for catsup from the visiting team. Still, a good sport knows to put such things aside when there's a game afoot.

The fans were in quite the tizzy about the game, some did give gentlemanly wagers as to the outcome. Several residents were even passingly familiar with the rules and did assist with those that were as yet unfamiliar with the game. The ice rink looked splendid as did the brave Chums as they took to the field of play.

It should be also noted that many questions about the visiting team and the missing errand boy were soon answered when the opposing team took field. Those of weaker constitutions did find themselves faint at the visage of the Dragons, and rumors that several fellows failed to maintain full control of their bowels were quickly dismissed.

Play began with an awkward start as the Dragons soon realized that the field wasn't exactly frozen, per se, but instead consisted of painted damp grass. Play proceeded quickly there-after, however, once the skates were removed. Although several of the opponents did complain, the staunch lads did manage to score a goal rather quickly while their opponents attempted to maneuver in the painted fescue.

Things did not go quite as well in the second quarter when due to a slight misunderstanding regarding the rules of play, the Dragons quickly scored as the stalwart Chums were setting up for the Jumping Shot.

Several of the more helpful fans quickly called out their helpful assistance (the team would ask that future such assistance not be accompanied by such harsh language), and play in earnest began.

The third quarter saw a pair of goals. The first being for the brave fellows, the Chums. The second being for the Dragons, after the Chums, in spirit of fairness, allowed the Dragons to score. The team again reminds those that wish to attend that such language has no place in a modern family establishment.

At the final quarter, the Chums again took to the grass and did their utmost best. The Dragons often coming close indeed to gaining a score, yet being soundly thwarted both by the daring play of the Chums, and the fact that several of the Dragons linesmen had forgotten to remove their skates in the rush for the fourth quarter.

The final goal of the game came quite unexpectedly as Chum Forward William Mycroft Dunquist (of the Campbell Dunquists) managed to knock the puck through the net in the final seconds of the game. There was great joy and merrymaking by both the Chums and the attending crowd that was only slightly dampened when it was later learned that Dunquist was eaten by the opposing teams Goalie.

It was understood that this may follow finer Welsh traditions, and was not called into question on the account of being rude.

Well done chaps! And best of luck in finding a new Chum for the lineup!

Final Score:
Welsh Dragons: 2
Sunnyvale Chums: 3

An Aleutian Achievement!

A quick ceremony for their esteemed colleague was held earlier in the day. A somber affair to which team-mates, friends, companions, janitorial staff, several individuals who appeared to be looking for the Yoga Lessons, and a indigent who had to be frequently escorted from the memorial table and told there was no buffet.

Still, the honor of the game and good clean living compels the team to greater heights, for a new night finds the lads travelling north to the wilds of our 49th state, where beneath the shimmering mystery of the Great Northern Lights, their opponents awaited them for rousing sport.

Arriving at the charmingly remote island, the lads were treated to a sumptuous feast of a fine local lunch, which was most fortuitous, considering that the team had lost their lunch on the boat trip over. The Heroes of Sunnyvale were served a delightful sampling of the local fauna, including miniature black crabs, kelp and lichen salads and canned provisions supplied from the local Military Base. Truly a luncheon that caused many of the fellows to toss cookies in joy.

Although located in the southern-most city of Alaska, nights starlight shroud came early, accompanied by thick clouds and a windchill below freezing, garnering Kincaid McGillicutty, the teams sojournist, considerable ire after his suggestion to pack shorts for the southern island jaunt.

The team quickly changed into their sporting garb and headed to the rink. A splendid affair fit for a king, provided that king was rather demure in stature and possibly had a limp. Sadly the team quickly faced one of their greatest challenges during the first few minutes of warm-up, when they encountered ice for the first time. This caused great consternation and aggrievement amongst the normally chipper fellows since it was not at all like the dampened grass they had grown all too accustomed playing on.

Still, valiantly strapping on the skates and hugging the side rails and walls, the valiant lads took to the ice.

The first period saw no score since none of the Chums managed to stay upright for longer than a few minutes, a period greatly abbreviated whenever they attempted to swing their hockey clubs toward the ever present puck. In the second period the ever crafty Chums managed to gather themselves into a ice bourne scrum and successfully managed to send the puck flying into the goal.

Sadly, it was their own goal.

Not to be phased, they soon rallied and managed to score twice more, this time to the correct goal. It was at this time that the most peculiar of things did occur.

The rink lights were shut off, and there was an odd skittering upon the ice. In the confusion, the Chums reported that they separated as each took it upon themselves to attempt to remedy the situation. So that they would not lose the location of the puck, McGillicutty stated that he would safeguard it's location. A minute later the lights were once again switched on and several of the chums reported seeing exceptionally large black insects rapidly departing the ice. Several lads swear that these same creatures were wearing ice skates, helmets and bore sticks.

Even more strange was that McGillicutty had apparently abandoned not only his post atop of the puck, but his garments as well. Possibly a reaction to the apparent moth problem his garments seemed to suffer.

The game was quickly called and although an extensive search was performed, there was not a hair of McGillicutty to be found, and nothing but a recently emptied catsup bottle in his bunk.

Still the mystery did little to dampen the spirits of the lads who celebrated their second win, even if they had not yet seen the other team.

Final Score:
Sunnyvale Chums: 2
Adak Cockroaches: 1

To: the Director of the Blogospheric Hockey League

25th of October in the year of 2004

Subject: A letter of complaint

Dear Sir,

We find ourselves at a grievous point. When we were invited into this fellowship of hockey aficionados, we were lead to believe that we would be engaged in goodly, wholesome sport. The sort of deviations that build character in a man, and distract one from the wages of sin. It is to our most sincere regret that we have discovered that not all of our compatriots wish to enjoin in such gentle frolic.

It is with the heaviest of hearts that we inform you of such transgressions. As you may know, on the fateful day of October Twenty Fifth, we were to host the Nanwalek Nauyans. As you may also know, our team had, to that point, managed to stalwartly play on, even though we suffered several great losses in the apparent consumption of two of our players. We understand that such are the potential trials of the game, and in fact, are well aware of the "Loss of Member Waiver" in our contracts. And that because of our exacting standards in only selecting the most moral of men for our endeavors, hiring has been, difficult at best.

We broke our memorial services to greet the Nauyans at the Aeroplane Docking facility, in the early hours of the morning. Although we had not met the players before, it soon became quite evident which of the passengers were our prospective opponents as our star goalie Nigel Wellingston (of the WestGate Wellingstons), who stood in the baggage retrieval area, was struck soundly by what can only be described as an in-flight service cart. I'd note that not only was the in-flight cart indeed in flight, but it was clearly liberated from the aeroplane to which the Nauyans had arrived upon. The cart was loaded with hundreds of miniature vessels of the demon alcohol, all of which drained.

Fortunately, Nigel left this veil of tears unaware of what had done him in. With wanton disregard for our loss, the Nauyans merely laughed coarsely and, with great disrespect, dragged out the body of Nigel and forced his corpse to swallow great quantities of the liquor they apparently brought with them. And such callous disregard did not stop there, while we wished to bring the Nauyans back to our compound to enjoy a fine luncheon and possibly a nice colonic cleansing, the Slavic terrors bribed our taxi driver to deliver us to a house of ill repute, the "Pink Poodle", where we were utterly forced to watch immodest young ladies saunter and gyrate in a most provocative manner. I personally witnessed several of the Chums excuse themselves to the restroom every fifteen minutes for a repasts. I can tell that this moment of escape from the unwelcome display of gyrating and bouncing flesh did them good, since they each returned with a warm smile and distant look. What's more, I could also tell that the lingering fear of returning to the gathering struck such despair and distraction that many returned with their pants undone and front shirt tails asunder. The utter confusion even caused some members to mistakenly partake of liquors instead of their chosen beverage, a "Shirley Temple".

With no rest or preparation, we were forced to take to the grass at the Chum Dome. Amid protests from the team that without a goalie, and with such a shortage, they would be at a great disadvantage, the Nauyans insisted that we play on. It is only by the valiant efforts of the lads that the Nauyans only managed to score their seven points.

We wish to note that any protests that the Nauyans may lodge about the Chums actually stuffing themselves into the goal position to prevent the unhindered introduction of the puck is purely speculation, as we were able to take advantage of Nigel's rigor mortis to allow the Chums to avoid providing a complete power play, and he managed to successfully deflect nearly forty of the high speed puck deliveries using most of his previously living body. The rest of the team was simply behind him to provide moral support, and because that was the safest place to be.

Please, Sir, do not believe that this letter is in response to our loss, since we were able to score four points even against this onslaught of murderous puckery. Granted, those four points came in the final minutes of the third period, after the Nauyans had passed out from drink, and after we moved their Goalie from the net.

Sir, it is not our wish to abandon the games, for that would neither be sporting nor would it be gentlemanly. Nor do we expect any harsh treatment for those Russian ruffians. We simply wish to lodge our complaints should the other teams also report such misdeeds.

Even though we are now down a considerable number of players, we look forward to valiantly completing the season and winning the Winer Cup.

Good Day,
Winston A Piffernell.

Final Score:
Nanwalek Nauyans: 7
Sunnyvale Chums: 4

Tora Japan!

29th of October in the year of 2004

Much like Admiral Perry, we made our way to meet our Oriental opponents. We had heard a great many fascinating tidbits about the natives of Nippon, and looked to enjoy our stay. We exit the areoplane after a long and arduous flight. (Note to the management. Although it is most certain that our means of travel was frugal in these times, we wish to notified of future flights in the baggage section. Pierre De Paul (of the Los Gatos De Pauls) spent most of the travel beneath a mongrel with what appeared to be either a severe drooling problem or a weakened bladder.)

As God is my witness, we have nearly faced our mortal ends. In Japan, the word taxi apparently means "Please hurtle us at great speed at oncoming traffic while pointing and jabbering in your incomprehensible foreign tongue". Apparently Pierre may have picked up something from that mongrel, as he required a clean set of foundations upon exiting the cab.

After much hunting, one of the lads managed to find a machine that dispensed exactly that which Pierre required. It would seem that the commercial venue of choice in the Land of the Rising Sun is the automatic vending machine. While normally we feel that these mechanical abominations erode the social graces, our notable language issues make such items truly heaven sent. We purchased several pairs from the mechanized merchant while receiving the most curiously disparaging regards from several passing matrons. Pierre accepted the odd undergarments, but noted that they seemed both strangely restrictive and apparently in need of slight laundering. This confirmed one rumor we had heard about how this Tokyo is an expensive town.

What wonders we have seen in this land. These small, graceful people have welcomed us most warmly. We even decided to dine in the native manner by attending a delightful restaurant that served the most delicious delicacies. They were beautiful morsels placed on little boats that circled about in a merry way. We each chose several and asked to have them prepared. There was some discussion back and forth between Pierre and the chef, who seemed both angry and confused. I cautioned Pierre that he must speak both slowly and with greater volume to aid in the chef's understanding of proper English.

After some discussion, our chef has agreed to send our delicacies to the kitchen for proper preparation. We look forward to them with great delight. To pass the time, Pierre has been regaling us with tales of his Grandfather's service in the Flying Tigers. Our chef has taken to muttering to himself while spying the group. Since we are visitors to this country we've decided to let his apparently rudeness go unanswered.

This Sushi that we have heard so much about is not as wondrous as we had been lead to believe. Certainly the small cutlets are of the highest quality, but the kitchen has nearly burnt these to cinders. Still our repass must be done. Pierre, stalwart that he is, did enjoy his serving, even though it looked horribly undercooked to the rest of us. Lord knows what manner of vermin lay within that.

Our dinner complete, we paid the bill of fare, and left our usual compliment of tickets to the nights sport for the staff. The staff were quite excited upon receipt of our generosity and we heard many shouts of what we knew to be delight and a good many inverted smiles. (Pierre had heard that being on the opposite side of the globe as the rest of civility, the Oriental often smiles in an upside-down manner. A most curious thing to be sure, but the staff were certainly all smiles that night.) The chef even offered us a special course provided without fee! He urged us to enjoy it on our long flight home. I scarce see how, since the concoction appeared to consist solely of the fishes innards and sexual organs.

We arrived at the unpronounceable rink located in the basement of what appeared to be a large and ancient temple like structure. We wished that we could read the aboriginal scripting, but it appeared as indecipherable as the odd frowns and waves we received from the restaurant staff. We had wondered where our fellow opponents were, but decided to dress and take to the ice regardless. Within moments a near flood of tiny specks seemed to drift out of the far side. All bearing small hockeying sticks. Although we were down several players and well into our reserves, we appeared to be well out-matched, however we were far larger than our opponents so we decided not to contest the matching. The rink attendant (a rather spidery fellow who seemed to endlessly toil at some form of grinding stone) deposited the puck in the center of the ice and with no other warning, we found the game afoot!

These.. These blinkered little devils are ruthless! We're twenty minutes into the game and they've already scored four goals! It seems that they're nearly everywhere and move the puck with near blinding speed. And what is more, these opponents seem to be of the most fragile nature, often dissipating as the puck collides with them. We've taken great care not to injure their players.

Five! The little bastards have five points! What's more they've taken to laughing at us after we've scored our first. It's taking all of our effort, but to be honest we're not certain if we can withstand inflicting... SIX! Confound it! Screw the little dirt balls, Pierre!

Exhausted. Bloody exhausted. Those sooty little bastards put up a great fury of a fight. We managed to score three additional goals in the final period while blocking the opposing team, and we managed that by simply swatting at anything black that happened to be within stick's range. Twenty minutes of that sort of coughing exertion and we each look like we belong more in a minstrel show than a proper hockey rink. Aye, we lost this round, but we took out our fair share of the little sons of a dust bunny along the way. We shall have to perform penance for our aggression, certainly, but by all that's holy it felt good.

Final Score:
Sunnyvale Chums: 4
Tokyo Soot-Sprites: 6

The Cost of Winning

First of November in the year of 2004

Dear Sir and/or Madam,

As you may know, the service for Pierre was a solemn affair, made only slightly more pleasant by the fact that "unpacking" him wasn't necessary. Tea and a light lunch of celery and mayonnaise sandwiches (the lads deciding to forego tuna in respect of the recently deceased) was offered. Afterwards, it was off to greet our newest opponents for a healthy go.

We greeted the arriving team promptly as they arrived and offered to assist with their baggage. We were sternly informed that such matters were best left for those properly trained and skilled at the dangers of handling baggage and that they had already arranged for the affair. Apparently there was some delay in the arrival of this assistance as the luggage remained on the carousel for several hours, several flights, and multiple union mandated resting periods.

At long last several larger members of the local workers union arrived, much to the exaltation of the Chums. The men conferred with the Ottawa team, carefully noted the count, size, orientation and placement of the bags, and then to the significant confusion of the Chums, left. When queried, the Chums were informed that these individuals were merely the unions assessors and that a separate crew would be quickly dispatched for the actual baggage retrieval.

Forty five minutes later, a different pair of men were reported to have arrived and brought the baggage to the awaiting vehicles. Much is not known in regards to these fellows, since the Chums had long since succumbed to the effects of the Oriental trip. However they were quickly roused after the transfer occurred and set about the task of driving the guests to their accommodations, where they would have been treated like royalty.

The usage of the present perfect progressive in the previous sentence was not by mistake. Unfortunately several issues came about in short order after the luggage had been stowed. The first being that none of the Chums were of any local livery union, secondly, the accommodations proffered did not offer organized labor support (statements that the accommodations were the private residency of the Chums were quickly dismissed). There was some great disagreement about these matters before Myron Gertswallow (of the Santa Clara Gertswallows) found an amiable solution. He simply opened the rear luggage compartment of the Chums vehicle, and to use the vernacular, "gunned it" causing the previously loaded equipment to spill out upon the tarmac.

The Chums quickly scrambled aboard the bus and decided to add one more atonement to their list.

It was with equally great surprise that the Chums did not take to the Chum Dome alone, for as they entered the gaming area they were faced with the opposing team already on the field of play.

Several of the members bore placards decrying unfairness by our stalwart heroes. At the center of the rink stood an impressively large and fearsome heathen we later learned was their head coach, more a beast than a man known only as Zandar. The huge aboriginal demanded in the most uncouth of tones that the Chums not only concede the game to them, but that we also agree to additional time off for them and an increased benefits package that included dental.

It was then that Myron, having had quite enough of the boorish behavior of the opposing team grabbed his hockeying stick strode with great purpose to the center of the ice and struck the puck with deadly accuracy. The puck shot into the OWS net to the cheering praise of the assembled crowd.

The boorish leader spent a moment staring down at Gertswallow in the most menacing manner. Gertswallow stood his ground. Mr. Zandar then retrieved the puck from his teams net, brought it back to the center of the rink and stated, "Puny man not do that again or..."

The mighty warlord had not even finished this words before Myron again struck the puck into the OWS net. Again the crowd unleashed their adulations. Zandar, bent down to stare Gertswallow into the eye. His nasal decoration, (what appeared to be the femur of some buffalo) hovered above Gertswallows dapper handlebar moustache. The two locked in a stare-down, neither flinching from their stand, until Zandar wrapped his hand around Gertswallow's head, dragged him to the OWS post, inserted the puck into the most unwelcome of Gertswallow's positions, and then, as a child would set a rubber band aflight, did stretch Gertswallow out before releasing him to fly into the Chums own goal.

The game was quickly settled there after.

And thus, the reason why we find ourselves having to unexpectedly increase our ticket prices so as to cover the OWS dental plan. For our part, we did manage to force the OWS to concede the game with the 2-1 score. A splendid victory, even if it does mean additional bake sales during future period breaks. (Socialized medicine, indeed!)

We look forward to seeing you on the eighth of November as we again face the Anchorage Rockhoppers. Or earlier as we take to the road to face the Rightbackatchas in New York City, New York. If anyone were to be able to offer team members transportation to that game, we would be most welcome.

Final Score:
Ottowa On-going Work-stoppages: 1
Sunnyvale Chums: 2

One for the Record books, (when we find them again)

Eigth of November in the year of 2004

Note for the future:
When visiting New York, (particularly the extreamly urban areas the Rightbackatchas tend to play in), "Mugging for the camera" does not mean making a face.

Services for Mr. Maurice H. Heatherwhipple, team photographer and statistician, will be held upon our return.

Final Score:
Sunnyvale Chums: more points NYC Rightbackatchas: some points

Geyser Guys

Fifth of November in the year of 2004

Life affords us few opportunities to learn. Tonight brought yet another.

When inviting a team from New York to a hearty game at the home field. Offering them a fresh pot of coffee is good.

Offering it as a colonic is nice.

Offering it without prior warning after losing the game is best to be avoided.

This is a point that the newly departed Materialism T. Postitte (of the Drawbridge Postittes) has lead the way for the rest of the team to learn.

Final Score:
New York City Rightbackatchas:3 Sunnyvale Chums: 1

Fit to be Tied

Eigth of November in the year of 2004

Good day to you, my name is Pir Kemal, and I was recently hired by the coach of the Chums so as to keep the website running while they were away. Because of their schedule, they don't have quite as much time as they like since they must hurry between here in Sunnyvale, where they played tonight and Ottowa where they will be playing tomorrow. What is more is that due to the lack of budget from the various dental plans and funerals, they have been forced to use less speedy means of transport than most would prefer.

So they're currently on a bus doing about 200kph through Utah right about now.

I certainly hope they are sleeping, because I do expect them to be making the most terrible wailing.

I would suppose that you are most interested in finding the score of the latest game between the Chums and the Rockhoppers. It was a splendid game! Probably the best I've seen since Thiruvananthapuram! There was much scoring but sadly things ended in a tie.

Unfortunately, the tie occured when the center for the Rockhoppers turned Mr. Huppingsdale (of the Lawrence Huppingsdales) into the most advanced and uncomfortable of positions. Suffice to say that had Mr. Huppingsdale survived the ordeal, he would never have worried about being able to scratch his ear with his foot or been curious as to how others might view the small of his back.

I've been told that services will be straightened out, as soon as Mr. Huppingsdale is.

Final Score:
Anchorage Rockhoppers: 3
Sunnyvale Chums: 3

Ottawa Jitterbugs

Ninth of November in the year of 2004

Driving across this wonderous country at the most furious of rates tends not to lend itself for the most comfortable of slumbers so it was with considerable ill will that our heroes found themselves pulling into the capital city of Ottawa to once again meet the Ongoing Work Stoppages who they were scheduled to play against slightly less than twenty four hours previous to the game against the Rockhoppers in which they had lost their esteemed associate Bramophere J. Huppingsdale to the most unfortunate of situations but it actually turned out fairly well since Bramophere was again able to assist the team by providing a near perfect replacement for the left forward tire when it had yielded under the ferocious attack of what may have been a decayed badger who itself had surrendered to the irresistible forces of a transport somewhere in the northern climes of Colorado and even though the third forward's combined pre-mortal constitution and fatal knotsmanship of the Rockhopper goal proved to be more than able to carry the lads to the game with nary a moment to spare before the game the now reduced road handling of the lineage of the Lawrences also proved to be more than the lads could easily suffer which they too felt would effect their game play in the most devastating of manners but for the quick thinking of Edward Montebluqe (of the Alviso Montebluqes) who suggested that the travelling espresso colonic kits that burbled away in the trunks of the squad could be pressed to use and provide a quick pick-me-up to ward off slumbers gentle bequests to which the team could ill afford and so the team, not quite adjusted to that form of coffee digestion quickly took it upon themselves to use the entire fifty pound bag of espresso beans they had purchased at the Wide-Awake Wisconsin just outside of Madison (which had the most delightful of staff who seemed so perky and awake regardless of the odd red tinge to their eyes) and dispensed the thick black syrup to the team who immediately seemed to enjoy the reviving effects of the concoction to such a point that they immediately set about looking for more which was somewhat unfortunate in that the game was to start within the moment but the lure of the Gladstone's Skate and Wash coffee was very tempting indeed and proved a moderate distraction when it appeared that Mr. Jefferson managed to score first in the game while acting replacement goalie Montebluqe offered semi-voiced encouragement that the espresso vendor kindly accelerate her creations since he felt that she must have been using the slowest water known to creation even if several of the lads noticed an odd tremoring in their limbs making puck control rather difficult even if they were able to pass the puck about far faster than the Work Stoppages were able to travel or even be able to see the blurred bit of rubber as it shot back and forth occasionally rebounding off of walls or glass or Chum as they circled about waiting for their next jolt of vivid alertness or to relinquish the stresses of the large liquid intake they had enjoyed but even so it was of some surprise that the puck managed to find a home within the Work Stoppages net (even though several of the referees had to slow the recording tape down to ensure that it had indeed happened because the puck was equally quickly retrieved for the next face off which happened shortly there after and resulted in a great flurry of activity on the ice as even more attempts were made by the Chums although a great many were rendered futile by the still increasing tremors that gripped the team but they knew that a nice cup of green tea would certainly help calm the nerves as the third period came underway in which the Work Stoppages played most brilliantly against the increasingly difficult to see Chums who had switched to cans of the most delightful of carbonated beverages advertising itself as the dew of the mountains since the coffee and tea had long since run out in this most beastly and ill prepared of establishments which hadn't had the sense to properly prepare for a proper tourney or the needs of the visiting te--

It was then that the Ottawa Work Stoppages scored their final and winning goal of the evening, even though it was of some controversy since the assist was from Montebluqe. More precisely, Montebluqe's heart, which had decided to burst from his chest at the most inopportune of moments.

Additional services will be held upon the teams return. As will a thorough detoxification program.

Final Score:
Sunnyvale Chums: 1
Ottowa Ongoing Work-Stoppages:2

Life's Little Lessons

Fifteenth of November in the year of 2004

A good thing: Providing free coffee to the visiting team on a cool November night.

A bad thing: Providing it to them as an enema

A very bad thing: Deciding to "surprise" the team in the third period by activating the dispensing units installed in the benches.

A very bad thing, indeed: Dropping by and asking how they enjoyed the free colonic and if they'd like another.

Services for the noted team inventor, Magistrate J. Postitte (of the Drawbridge Postittes) to be held tomorrow, provided most of him is recovered from the colonic cleansing system.

Final Score:
New York City, Rightbackatchas:3 Sunnyvale Chums: 1

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Twentieth of November in the year of 2004

A wise sage once noted that "To spend a day without learning something new is to spend the day foolishly." It should be noted that today, the Chums learned a great many things.

They learned that while the team is called the "Washington" Insiders, Marrion Barry field is actually located some distance outside of the city proper. The more pendantic would note that "some distance" includes portions of Pennsylvania. The Chums also learned that this is in fine keeping with other local sporting teams.

The Chums learned that it is quite possible for a team to play two separate games in two separate cities within five hours of each other. This is generally accomplished by pairing up your finest players against your strongest competition.

The Chums learned that the Washington Insider's finest players seemed to include several small children, a destitute and jittery fellow, and a moderate sized card-board box with the word "Goalie" hastily scrawled on it with black magic marker.

The Chums learned that such a team can be quite a challenge.

And finally, the Chums learned that it's best not to use the term "Cracker Jack" when describing the game, as it leads to a rather unfortunate confrontation between several of the parents of the opposing team's players, the jittery fellow, and Winston Goûteur de Fourneau (of the Sunol-Midtown Goûteur de Fourneaus).

Final Score:
Sunnyvale Chums: 1
Washington Insiders: 3

A Smashing Victory

Twenty Second of November in the year of 2004

There was great rejoycing in Sunnyvale following the rousing victory of the Chums. With the benefit of strong skating skills and the most fortuitous of luck, the Chums successfully won their highest score to date.

The Chums used their home-field avantage to great benefit against the mightly Adak team, scoring goal after goal beneath the bright Chum-dome lights.

The lead scorer of the game, Prudent Hammerdale (of the Berryessa Hammerdales) scored 3 of his two hundred and fourty seven attempts. The other two happened during the other five hundred and ninety two attempts, however it was not possible to say who exactly made the goal.

Some in attendance were rumored to say that the total eight hundred and thrity nine attempts would have been far fewer in number had the Adak team been present on the field, but they were quickly quieted and ushered from the arena.

It was decided after the game that Hammerdale's jersey be retired with full honors, since it was all that remained after the lights once again and quite inexplicably turned off and on. There is still no clear source to the skittering noises heard.

Final Score:
Adak Cockroaches: 0
Sunnyvale Chums: 5

Facing off the Circle of Life

Twenty Second of November in the year of 2004 to
Ninth of December in the year of 2004

Good day Hockey fans.

The Chums front office wishes to apologize for the general lack of news.

It would seem that the team is having a rather difficult time keeping a properly stiff upper lip. In reality, this is far from true. In fact, the vast majority of the team do not have that difficulty.

The fact that they also are rather stiff all over has, however, caused a noted decrease in overall team morale, and has indeed brought about quite some heated discussions between games, however, Coach Piffernell has done the cost admirable job of waylaying the teams anxieties.

During the rightfully stirring game on the Twenty Fourth of November against the Welsh Dragons, Coach Piffernell simply explained that much like their more saurian rivals, he too had often mistaken the recently promoted Edmund von Haggelstrom (of the Albrae von Haggelstroms) for a tea cookie.

Likewise, he noted that it's not completely unheard of that players such as Neil T. Thorpstrumpet (of the Neal Thorpstrumpets) might not only be randomly harpooned while playing the Anchorage Rockhoppers, but gutted, smoked and served as jerky. In fact, he swore that his Aunt Mildred had once accidentally faced the same fate, and was simply never the same afterwards.

The game against the Washington Insiders proved to be a buoying event, as the Chums "shut out" (to use the youthful vernacular) the Insiders and to the teams even greater surprise and enjoyment, did so without a single fatality. Unfortunately, an undisclosed individual placed a call to the Travel Safety Administration, resulting in Montebank Bigglesdown III (of the Snoboy Bigglesdowns) to be escorted from the returning flight. Sadly, the plane was also in flight.

Things had become so bad that Coach Piffernel was forced to employ the use of several large associates to remind the Chums of their contractual obligations to play their cross town rivals, the San Jose Cascade Cops. Although the Coach was successful in getting the players out onto the play field (several protesting rather loudly and in various states of dress), but the players spent most of the game avoiding anything moving. It was in the third period that Coach Piffernel,simply beside himself with the cowardly turn the team had adopted, took to the grass himself to prove that the poor luck simply would not continue. Single-handed and in a fabulous play, the coach deftly sank the puck deep into the Cascade Cops goal.

The game over, and lost Coach Piffernell spent quite some time still out on the grass calling down the fickle hand of fate and bashing about the rink striking the puck with great fury. After several hours, the cringing mass of the team extracted themselves from the penalty box and made their way toward the coach and even began to prod the puck as their faint courage grew.

Sadly, Oswald Toespootle (of the Curtner Toespootles) later found out the puck was rabid.

It was thus, with a heavy heart, that Coach Piffernel approved the trade of Rudolph Oswald-Biggles to the Ottawa Work Stoppages for a fourth string puck handler named Padamir Prashat, who assisted by the Chums own parttime webmaster Pir Kemal, scored the only goal of the night against the Nawalek Nauyans. This trade may have proven to be just the sort of thing that the Chums needed, for although they did not win, there was also not a single loss of life that night.

Final Scores:
see box.

Playoff news

18th of January in the year of 2005

In response to many requests, the following article was reprinted from the Bishkek Daily Goat.

"fans приветствиям Hockey"! По мере того как вы знаете, нашей стране Kyrgyzstan недавн наградила высокаяа честь быть "replacement" для большой американской команды хоккея "Sunnyvale Chums". Это будет большинств чудесная весточка по мере того как менеджер (Mr. Piffernell) имеет после того как он пообещан нас что он оплатит нам великодушно зарплат для немного счастливых игр этого спорта хоккея! Игроки завещают каждое получают "$5.00 a game" также,как некоторый очень плохой кофеий что Mr. Piffernell вызывает "Colonic". Слова американцов очень странны.

Mr. Piffernell имеет после того как он сказан нас что он самые счастливые иметь нас как его новая команда в виду того что его последняя команда вытерпела очень наихудшийа случай "attrition" и много игроков должны быть извинены от игры. Наши игроки были очень confused о как сыграть эту игру "Hockey" но нам сказали его был much like играть Gyrgyzckx только, котор оно было сыграно на льде и мозг козочки был маленькой черной вещью. Также мы не были позволены снять наши пушки в воздух после целей.

Наша команда игроков была первым принятым к встрече первоначально "Chums" поговорило к нам from inside их шкафа. Sunnyvale будет очень милым городом вполне много больших американских вещей. Оно где мы играем первую игру хоккея против другой команды. Мы играем очень крепко но мы теряем. Это потому что мы держим забыть что маленький черный мозг козочки не squishy и doesn't придерживаются к ручке. Эта модель мы тактик и попытка изменения для того чтобы одеть в других игроков ручка. То когда вся команда получает "five for fighting" и ottawa счет реально большой. Несчастливо, мы более поздно учим что Mr. Chester P Squilpilleths (Pabrico Squilpilleths) имеет очень плохую аварию. Он учит что прятать под коробкой штрафа не будет очень хорошей идеей. Он стал очень squishy, как Gyrgyzchx! Kaput!

Следующая игра, котор мы играем очень более лучше, после того как Mr. Piffernell дает нам большой говорить. Он говорит нам то если мы теряем игру, то, мы "sent Partial Post". Мы думаем он намеревается "Parcel Post" но не взгляд доверия в его глазе. Так мы выигрываем! Мы получаем 2 Czzkrgygs пока Ottowa только получает одно! Мы сняли наши пушки потом, но Mr. Piffernell был очень сердит. Он сказал мы не может сгореть пушки после выигрывать. Мы сказали что оно традиционно и мы должны снять пушки. Он говорит нам что в америке, мы празднуем использующ наши рти и руки. Звук рук don't довольно эти же так мы делаем шумы пушки с нашими ртами. Прежде чем мы идем к стране ottawa, Mr. Piffernell вводит нас в нейтральном положении старой команды. Мы не были уверены были оставлены, но мы смогли только услышать 2 голоса. Mr. Piffernell после этого использовал amazing вызванный инструмент "tazer" помочь одному из приятелей, Mr. "Crumbly-Biscuit" (Чрумблы-Peceni6 соединения Niles) спите для нашего отключения к Ottowa. Мы хотел были бы поговорить к гу-н Чрумблы-Печенью, но Mr. Piffernell хотел make sure он спало полностью к игре, и использовало "tazer to be certain he was not disturbed".

Ottowa было красивейшим городом, мы потратили первую игру устроенную удобно как близко как Chzlwkszyx на Gryxwnxlm как 14 из нас порожное время в самом просторном и роскошно комнат. Более поздно мы выучили что это было вызвано foot locker. Несчастливо, мы никогда не получали шанс видеть га-н Чрумблы-Печенья снова. Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit повернул в льва. Такие marvels! Все еще Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit был придурковат и носил его ботинок в его рте льва! Придурковатый Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit. То когда мы убили и съели его.

В нашей первой игре Gyrgyzckx, я намереваюсь "Hockey", мы выиграли! Мы сделали шумы пушки с нашими ртами. Более поздно мы находим вне что мы потеряли и должны принять назад шумы пушки.

Мы смотрим вперед к следующей игре где мы выиграем и сделаем many more шумы пушки с нашими ртами!

Final Scores:
Ottawa: 3 ... Sunnyvale: 2
Ottowa: 1 ... Sunnyvale:2
Sunnyvale: 1 ... Ottowa:2
TBD

In response to many requests, the following article was translated from the Bishkek Daily Goat.

Greetings fans of Hookay! As you know, our country of Kyrgyzstan was recently awarded the great honor of being the "replacement" for the great American hockey team of the "Sunnyvale Chums". This is most wonderful news as the manager (Mr. Piffernell) has promised us that he will pay us the most generous of wages for a few happy games of this hockey sport! Players will each receive "$5.00 per game" as well as some very bad coffee that Mr. Piffernell calls "Colonic". The words of the Americans are very strange.

Mr. Piffernel has told us that he is most happy to have us as his new team since his last team suffered a very bad case of "attrition" and many players had to be excused from the game. Our players were very confused about how to play this game of "Hockey" but we were told it was much like playing Gyrgyzckx only it was played on ice and the goat brain was a little black thing. Also we were not allowed to shoot our guns into the air after goals.

Our team of players were first taken to meet the original "Chums" who spoke to us from inside of their closet. Sunnyvale is a very pretty city full of many great American things. It is where we play first game of Hockey against another team. We play very hard but we lose. This is because we keep forgetting that little black goat brain is not squishy and doesn't adhere to stick. This make us change tactics and try to put other players on stick.

That's when entire team get "five for fighting" and Ottawa really score big. Unfortunately, we later learn that Mr. Chester P. Squilpilleth (of the Pabrico Squilpilleths) have very bad accident. He learn that hiding beneath penalty box is not a very good idea. He become very squishy, like Gyrgyzchx! Kaput!

The next game we play much better, after Mr. Piffernell give us great talking. He tell us that if we lose game, we "sent back Partial Post". We think he means "Parcel Post" but not really trust look in his eye. So we win! We get two Czzkrgygs while Ottowa only get one! We shot off lots of guns afterwards, but Mr. Piffernell very angry. He said we cannot fire guns after winning. We said that it is traditional and we must shoot guns. He tells us that in America, we celebrate using our mouths and hands. Hands don't sound quite the same so we make gun noises with our mouths.

Before we go to country of Ottawa, Mr. Piffernel introduce us to rest of old team. We were not sure how many were left, but we could only hear two voices. Mr. Piffernell then used an amazing tool called a "tazer" to help one of the Chums, a Mr. "Crumbly-Biscuit" (of the Niles Junction Crumbly-Biscuits) sleep for our trip to Ottowa. We would have liked to talk to Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit, but Mr. Piffernell wanted to make sure he slept all the way to the game, and used the "tazer" to be certain he was not disturbed.

Ottowa was a beautiful city, we spent the first game nestled as close as Chzlwkszyx on a Gryxwnxlm as the fourteen of us spent time in the most spacious and luxurious of rooms. Later we learned that this was called a "foot locker".

Unfortunately, we never got a chance to see Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit again. Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit had turned into a lion. Such marvels! Still Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit was being silly and was wearing his shoe in his lion mouth! Silly Mr. Crumbly-Biscuit. That's when we killed and ate him.

In our first game of Gyrgyzckx, I mean "Hockey", we won! We made gun noises with our mouths. Later we find out that we lost and have to take back the gun noises.

We look forward to next game where we will win and make many more gun noises with our mouths!

And now a word from our sponsor

Good day.

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you the Sunnyvale Chums will not be attending the final games of the Blogospheric Hockey League. They were eliminated in competition by Ottowa.

Now don't get your hopes up, they simply did not win the last game.

It is also with an equally sad heart that I must say that the Sunnyvale Chums will not be playing again next year, as their coach Mr. Piffernell is being held on nearly thirty counts of aggrevated man-slaughter.I've been advised that Coach Piffernell has no comment on the matter, as was the advice of his lawyer.

Now I know that this comes as a great disappointment to you all. We had such great dreams, and the team consistently delivered. We truly owe a great deal to the Chums, and we will be forever greatful for they joy they've provided us.

But as we all know, all things come to an end. Let us take solice in this past season, and push hard for the team to reconsider a second year.

And so let us raise a toast for the Chums, may you live on forever in our hearts and bank accounts! Cheers!

Now, let us open the 2005 Undertakers and Gravediggers Boat and Luxury Car Expo.